Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
