Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
