i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
