We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
