i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
