weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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