and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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