dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
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