I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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