It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
