I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
