he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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