how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
