i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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