When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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