Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
too bad you live with your parents still
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
