yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
