things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
