I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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