he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
