i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
she looked like the before picture.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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