May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
