Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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