Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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