Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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