god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
