She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
