woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
me + whiskey = a bad person
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
