opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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