he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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