I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
