the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
