Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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