Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
