She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
