I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
