I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
