im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
