He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
