do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
