My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
