nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
