Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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