There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
