Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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