I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
It's never too late to be topless.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
