just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
