i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
