I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
