I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize