I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I just gift wrapped bread.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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