i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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