whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
