We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Randomize
