how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize