matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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