Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
