You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
