his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
