bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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