Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
