is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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