I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
