Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
