Duck Duck Cougar?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Randomize
