trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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