I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
