You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize