I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
