If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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