Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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