shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
