but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
