I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize