People with herpes should wear stickers.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Randomize
