I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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