so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
