i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
