I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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