i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
