When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
